a few days ago, i had an epiphany. i realized something that i wished i had understood 4 years ago.
4 years ago, i got a call from an old friend with whom i was very, very close. he and i had dated but were also very good friends and "soul mates", a term we talked about then and i still feel true. maybe even more so today than 13 years ago. he called to tell me that he wife had died unexpectedly from a medical problem leaving behind him and their 3 month old son. he was very distraught and told me that he had been trying to get ahold of me for months. he had searched the internet, even paying money to try to find me. he clearly needed me. the problem was, in the years before this, i had tried to remain in touch with him but his wife did not feel comfortable with me talking to him since we had dated. it didn't matter that he and i lived 600 miles away from each other. as such, we didn't talk for years until he called me with the news of her death. she was young - maybe 22? and he was 25. i spoke with him about it that night and a little bit afterwards but held resentment about him not speaking with me for the previous 2 or 3 years.
i lost my spouse 7 months ago and since then, have had many dreams about someone i was close with (not the person mentioned above) and couldn't figure out why. when i told my mom about it, she said not to contact this person as i was simply looking for some familiar comfort and that was not an appropriate place to find it.
now i get it. my friend who lost his wife needed me for comfort and i was not there for him. he needed to talk to somebody who could understand his feelings without him necessarily saying anything. i could have been there for him and wasn't. my husband was supportive of me talking to him and helping him through it but i let my pride get in the way and did not help. i hope to God that i am not in this situation again but if i am, i certainly won't make the same mistake twice.
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2 comments:
You can always contact that person again. It sounds like you have alot in common. The death of a spouse, not something many people understand. Never let your pride get in your way again for you could be loosing out on more than you will ever know.
It is easy to hold resentment towards another person. It is harder to let that resentment go. There is so much I can write in response to your blog so I write only to give understanding to the past.
Let’s see… She was 24 and yes I was 25. She gave birth to our son Jonathan and passed 3 weeks later from heart failure and a few other things.
I remember clear that day we last spoke a few years before my wife passed. You called to say how happy you were and that you were getting married. I also was very happy for you. When we finished our phone call my wife asked who called and I explained. She never said we should not talk with each other. It was hard for me to hear from you after so long. I made that decision to not talk any more based on our past. We did indeed share a strong bond in our relationship together and I just did not want to complicate my marriage with past feeling for you. I owe you an apology. I truly am sorry I hurt you because of my decision.
Steph, when I found out about your husbands passing I opened myself and my family to you. The offer still stands. I will be here when you are ready to have a friend that knows exactly what you went through. If we never get a chance to talk, at very least I want to say how very sorry I am we lost touch with each other. I wish you, your children, and your family the very best.
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